Self-love: why it isn't selfish
You know the lines...
“You gotta start loving yourself more, mate.”
“Why the cold shoulder to yourself, huh?”
“Mate, you can’t pour from an empty cup; love yourself first!”
These sayings are tossed around like hot chips at a footy match, all in the name of leading a happier, more kick-arse life. But let's be real—what is self-love really?
From pampering yourself silly to flipping the script on that pesky negative self-chatter, experts reckon getting a grip on self-love is your ticket to a happier and healthier life. Showing yourself a bit of love and tenderness isn’t just nice—it’s powerful.
Top brainiacs at Stanford University say treating yourself as kindly as you would a mate not only toughens you up but also boosts your productivity, slashes stress levels, and ramps up your happiness meter. Let's dive deeper into how you can actually start weaving more self-love into your everyday life.
What is self-love?
Self-love isn't just about feeling good on a Saturday night out. Debbie Hogg, the self-worth guru, puts it simply: Self-love is all about being comfy with who you are in every slice of your life, whether you’re hanging with mates or smashing out tasks at your job.
Back in 2023, some brainy folks, Eva Henschke and Peter Sedlmeier, did a series of interviews with therapists and wrapped it up nicely for us. They reckon self-love has three key bits: self-care (like treating yourself to that brunch after a big Friday night), self-acceptance, and self-contact (actually paying attention to your own needs).
And according to the big brains at the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, self-love is all about giving yourself a big thumbs up.
Lastly, there’s this wise word from Elizabeth Jarquin, Ph.D., a pro on relationships and wellness, who says self-love teaches you the importance of putting yourself first. It’s about making sure you’re sorted so you can be the best you for everyone else.
Dr. Jarquin points out that when you're good with yourself and keep your well-being in check, you'll likely see a drop in stress, anxiety, and the blues. Embracing self-love paves the way to:
happiness
self-acceptance
self-esteem
self-awareness
self-forgiveness
What's chipping away at your self-love?
Loving yourself might get you tagged as 'full of yourself' or just plain selfish. Ever felt that sting when you decided to skip a mate's BBQ because you needed a breather? Or that sinking feeling when your family doesn’t get why you'd rather invest in a career course than in a bigger car?
These knocks and niggles start to stick, and before you know it, you're zooming in on every little flaw you think you have, completely missing all the ace stuff about yourself.
Kris Byrnes, a life coach with some sharp insights, hits the nail on the head: “Our unconscious mind tells us we don’t deserve what we want." This can lead folks to think they’re not worthy of someone else’s love.
Top self-love tips for a happier, healthier you
Self-love isn't just about face masks and Friday nights in (though they are pretty great). It’s about tuning up your inner chat and setting up your life, so you feel ace more often. Here are some tips:
Tune-up your inner monologue
Ever catch yourself being a bit harsh upstairs? Try switching up the chat. Executive Coach Lindsay Tighe reckons if you wouldn’t cop that kind of talk from a mate, don’t take it from yourself. Call yourself ‘sweetheart’ or whatever friendly banter you’d use with a friend. A kinder inner voice can seriously lift your game.
Count your wins
Start a gratitude journal. Jot down the good stuff—like nailing a presentation at work or making a new friend at yoga. When the going gets tough, flip through it to remind yourself of your fab bits.
Find your tribe
Hang out with folks who boost you up, not those who bring you down. As author and research professor Brene Brown says, stick with the crowd who shields your flame, not those keen to snuff it out.
Make time for what matters
Tune into your fav playlist, catch up with a mate you've missed, or kick off those guitar lessons you've been putting off. It's all about filling your days with the stuff that lights you up.
Counter negative chats with positive facts
Replacing limiting or negative self-talk with positive messaging has been used successfully by athletes for years.
Got a niggly negative thought? Toss back two positives. If your brain goes, “You look rough today,” hit back with, “My eyes are popping, and this outfit is a winner.” Kris believes doubling down on the positives can turn your mindset around.
Set solid boundaries
Stop trying to be all things to all people. Set clear boundaries that let you do more of what fills your cup. Ask yourself, when was the last time you did something that really sparked joy for you?
Hit the great outdoors
Whether you're chilling at the beach, trekking a bush trail, or wandering the vast, sun-drenched outback, take it all in—the scent of eucalyptus, the sound of crashing waves, the breeze in your hair. Studies reveal that this kind of mental escape can ease anxiety, spruce up your blood pressure and glucose levels, and boost your mood. Plus, for those managing diabetes, a happier outlook can lead to lower inflammation markers, better health, and longer life. So, whether real or imagined, a dose of nature could be just what the doctor ordered.
Take the compliment
Next time someone throws a compliment your way, try not batting it away. Accept it, own it. Lindsay says it’s all about embracing the good vibes others see in you.